Alive
by Beautymoon
Summary: But this war, this battle, this Obito person…showed another side of his lazy scarecrow sensei; a side Naruto now knows he was not ready to see, nor he will ever be. SPOILERS from the last manga chapters.


_**Naruto does not belong to me. All the rights owned by Masashi Kishimoto, Shounen Jump and TV Tokyo.**_

_This story contains SPOILERS. Huge SPOILERS all the way from Kakashi Gaiden to the latest manga chapters._

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**Alive**

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The world was safe again and after the funeral, everybody was partying like no tomorrow. Partying because eve though they were sad, they knew the dead wanted the survivors to be happy; to feel victorious in this old/new/_real_ world. They drank in honor of the deceased warriors, however, the very central piece of the conflict; the so called chosen one; the child of destiny; the humble hero Uzumaki Naruto was not partying.

The blonde _supposed_ he should be happy…

Madara was no more, the Juubi was dead, Obito was no more. So why, _why_ he was feeling that emptiness in the bottom of his stomach? Why couldn't he avert his eyes from the melancholic figure of his melancholic sensei, just slouched over that rock, staring intently but at the same time not staring at all, at the starry dark sky?

He couldn't stop thinking about Obito.

Sure, at the time of the battle, he simply swallowed the poisoned feeling of anger, and pity, and familiarity. He had to because reality itself was at stake. If he couldn't suck it all up and do his job, then who would? He had to be strong because for the first time ever, he had seen the most hardened warrior crumble before his very eyes. Blame it on the fact he was a kid back then, but Naruto never let go of the notion that Kakashi was one _damn_ strong ninja who would _never_ fall. Kakashi was like a super hero to him. Even though Naruto had surpassed him in all manners of ninjutsu, he still considered Kakashi an immortal monster…_thing_. He never really had words to describe the man because, frankly, Hatake Kakashi was not a person easy to describe. You have to live with him, battle by his side, meet his dogs and pay attention to the tiniest of details. And after all that repeat the process for the rest of your life…and it will not be enough.

At twelve, Naruto just thought his annoying sensei was damn strong. It was simpler that way. At sixteen, he knows "simple" and "Hatake Kakashi" are antonyms.

But this war, this battle, this Obito person…showed another side of his lazy scarecrow sensei; a side Naruto now knows he was not ready to see, nor he will ever be.

The image of the silver haired man with his feet practically rooted to the floor, almost waiting, _begging;_ pleading silently but desperately for that huge fire to consume his body and his soul…

Naruto never knew Kakashi despised his own self that much.

The worst of all is that in those nightmarish seconds, the Uzumaki had the opportunity to see his sensei's face…without him taking the mask off. The emotions- especially the guilt- overflowing from him in sick waves at such length, his expression contorted behind the damp navy blue fabric. The light had gone from his chronically droopy eyes for a moment, making them opaque and dull- like a dull kunai that no more serves its purpose; the mouth was a thin line, the eyebrows frown and the white skin was sickly pale.

That man…was _not_ Hatake Kakashi- was Naruto's first thought. Boy, was he wrong…

Every time he heard the man address the villain, Minato's son couldn't help but feel a stinging pain in his heart. And it became worse because after the chock because Kakashi realized he had no choice but to fight his friend, to kill his friend. Sure, he was not fighting as methodically as usual, but Naruto knew that each punch, each stab, each jutsu delivered was a piece of his sensei's soul.

Kakashi's soul would lie on that battlefield for all eternity.

He could tell by just feeling, but after the battle the usually easy-going, carefree young man decided to approach Maito Gai. He had to know about this Obito person and Kakashi-sensei's relationship more. He had a vague suspicion it was a predecessor of his troubled relationship with that _other_ Uchiha…

What was up with those Uchiha people, anyway?

_Don't think about Sasuke now_, his mind warned him, but the evil was already done…

When Bushy-brows-sensei talked a little about Uchiha Obito, Naruto made a mental note that this was the first time he saw the man with such a serious, and concerned, expression. The man didn't say much, but it was enough. Obito saved Kakashi's life, gave him the Sharingan, and Kakashi, well, he basically failed at fulfilling all his promises.

He was a hero mourning in front of graves.

But then Bushy-brows-sensei ended up spilling a little more than what he initially intended. He talked about how guilty Kakashi felt since his father killed himself out of guilt too. And that he was afraid that Kakashi would follow his father's steps- _because I swear those Hatake seem to atract tragedy towards themselves_...

Now at first Naruto couldn't believe such absurd. Kakashi-sensei; suicidal? _Not even in mushroom kingdom!_ But then…he remembered the battle and how stupid he felt for not realizing earlier that the scarecrow idiot really hated himself.

People like that, with complete disregard for theirs own lives, usually end up-

That was the end of his conversation with Gai-sensei and how he ended up approaching his teacher on the rock. It was so weird to watch the man in that fake relaxed posture with no book…

"Hey, sensei, where's your book?"

"I'm not in the mood for Icha-Icha now, Naruto…"

_What the hell? What did you do to my Kakashi-sensei?!_

That sounded like the last words of a suicidal to the blonde. But then it got worse because Kakashi decided to pull down the mask. No icha-Icha and now a _naked face_? This spelled _doom_ for the future Hokage of the Leaf. He decided to be honest.

"You are scaring me, Kakashi-sensei." There was no humor in his voice, or in Kakashi's empty laughter.

"Is my mask still that much of an issue?" The sensei tried to lift the mood, Naruto would give that to him. He decided to try too, just because. But he knew this pointless conversation would end because right now he was thinking- _Do you know who else wears a mask? Your friend that you killed! I just hope the same fate won't befall me and Sasuke_…

"Believe me, it is…" Minato's son chuckled. "Remember me to tell Sakura that you have the most ordinary face I've ever seen."

"I can't decide if that was a compliment or not." Really, Kakashi couldn't. He not even knew why exactly he took the mask off now, of all times. Maybe it was because it was damp from sweat. Maybe he was feeling, for the first time in years, _asphyxiated_ by it. Maybe…it was because Obito wore one two…

Silence fell between them and Naruto had all the words trapped inside his usually loud mouth. They had the force of a lion roar but when he finally managed to speak, it was but a whisper.

"Kakashi-sensei, are you…_alright_?"

"No, I'm not." In deadpan voice.

Naruto was not expecting such bluntness so soon. Now he didn't know what to say anymore, but he said it anyway.

"I talked to Bushy-brows-sensei…He told me…"

"What did he tell you?" Naruto felt like the question was intended to be aggressive, but in the middle of the way tripped over a rock and ended up sounding tired. Kakashi was too damn _tired_. And now Naruto could see that on his exposed face. He didn't like that…_lack of life_.

Another thing he would probably never get used to. Honestly, he wanted Kakashi to pull the fabric back. Yes, he was aware of the irony. It was hard to watch all his emotions broadcasted like that. Sure he always could differentiate the various expressions just through that one eye, but seeing the whole thing, the whole…_face_ made the knowledge so much more intense; a gigantic tsunami crashing like a fist to the jaw. It was like all the hidden emotions were trying so hard to hide that the face was frozen.

Fucking _frozen_

"Nothing much…" he threw a little stone in the air and then picked it up again. "He told me about Obito and you…and Rin…and…the Sharingan…and…"

_Your __father_- should be left for another occasion?

"If you know that much, why are you here, Naruto?" That bored answer made the blonde's blood suddenly boil a little, but he clenched his fist tightly and continued, "I didn't come here to interrogate you. I just wanted to know how you are…"

"I think I told you that already." The silver haired man twirled the kunai between his fingers, still staring bored off into space.

That pretended indifference was what was making Naruto's blood boil. When he realized, he was doing what not even in his most crazy dreams he would be doing. "_Stop acting like that doesn't affect you_!" He yelled, grabbing a stunned Kakashi by the collar of his cool, damp shirt. "Your best friend lost his soul! He tried to end the world! He blamed you till the last breath and all you do is to simply sit down like that? _At least be angry, you damn idiot!"_

Naruto was shocked at his own attitude, but it wasn't enough to let go of the sensei. Actually, he pulled the collar harder. His eyes were burning and he could already feel the tears running down the corners.

"That's about Sasuke too, isn't it?" Was all the Hatake said, as Naruto finally released him, none too gently, but none too violently.

"_No_! Yes…Maybe. But it is about you too, Kakashi. You are my friend and I hate to see a friend hurt."

That made Kakashi smile; a weak smile, but a real one, with a touch of nostalgia. "The words are you father's and the fiery attitude is your mother's. They must be proud of you…"

"I guess…" Naruto blushed a little. After all this years, he _still _couldn't take a sincere compliment naturally. "But, Kakashi…"

For the second time, the blonde forgot to say "sensei" while addressing the older one before him.

"Look, Naruto, I'm not angry. Well, I am, but not at Obito. I'm angry at myself. I lived my entire life surrounded by people saying all kinds of things about me. They say I'm a genius, but I never felt like that. It is hard to feel proud of myself when my whole life is a failure."

_Now_, Naruto realized too late, _maybe provoking his sensei was __not__ a bright idea_. After all he saw in battle, he wasn't sure if he could take whatever Kakashi would dish out at him. The little he knew through Gai-sensei was enough to make him want to hug the man until all the heaviness finally left his shoulders. On the other hand, this was kind of awesome. Kakashi was not one to simply open up, so he supposed the man really trusted him not as ninja, or a pupil, but a friend.

"Your life is not-"

"Don't start, Naruto. Nothing you say to me will make me change of idea. And now that you came here and decided to interrogate me, you'll have your answers." It was sad with a hint of sadism that reminded Naruto of the good old times. It almost put a new smile on his face; _almost_. "I promised Obito I would protect Rin, but somehow I managed to do the _exact opposite_ of that. I killed her, Naruto. I ran through her heart with a Chidori."

"I didn't know that…" The blonde said, really stunned.

"I had my reasons, of course. It was for the good of the village and all that, but I never could forgive myself. And I knew that Obito would never forgive me either, even being dead…which now we know he wasn't…"

"Yeah…"

"It is just…Every day I wake up with this feeling in my heart. It is so _heavy_…It has a _voice_ you know? It whispers in my ears…It says I should have never being born. It says I should have died. And when I think about it, I can't help but think it is true."

_Everyday I stare at the blade and ask myself if today is the day I'll finally die by my own hands._

"_No, it's not_!" Naruto interrupted. He was simply unfamiliar with this depressed, dark Kakashi-sensei. He didn't know this man.

"You really think so, Naruto? Let me tell you this, all the people who get close to me end up dying or worse. My mother died to give me birth, my father killed himself because he couldn't face me, I killed the girl who loved me for the sake of a mission, my sensei died and now my best friend…He waged war with the whole shinobi world because of a mistake I made! I used to blame myself about Sasuke but clearly I had no idea of my true blame. No matter where you look at, I'm in the center of all the disgrace in this world. Sure, I always felt guilty, but let's just say this war multiplied the guilt tenfold."

Naruto had no answer for that because, deep down, he knew Kakashi was _right_…in a way. The man really was the reason for all the problems in the current world. It was because of him that Obito went bat-shit crazy. It was because of him that he lost his parents and was hated for the biggest part of his life. And yet…

"Stop blaming yourself, Kakashi-sensei. You are going to end up dead."

"That is the point, Naruto. I was hoping I could die by Obito's hands, but…"

"_Shut up_!" The anger was back again, full force. "You can't die full of regrets, you can't live full of regrets. What are you going to do, Kakashi-sensei! _What are you going to do_?"

_What am I gonna do if the same happens to Sasuke?_

"And the most important of all…" He turned to his ex-teacher. Blue eyes piercing gray furiously. "…Stop acting like it is the end. Sure, you failed a lot of people" That stung in Kakashi's heart. He never would have thought he would hear that from Naruto's mouth, but the next words were like a soothing balm for his tormented soul, "but look at _me_! I'm here! I'm still alive and kicking, aren't I? I'm not evil, and I won't destroy the world. I'm not a failure, which means you are not a failure either…. And I remember your first lesson." He sighed and said with a trembling voice. "The ones who don't follow the rules are trash but the ones who abandon-"

"_Stop it_." It was the first time Naruto actually saw anger not only in the gray eye, but now on the entire pale face.

"No, I won't stop! This is the most valuable lesson you taught me. I don't care if Obito said it or not. The value is worth more than the person who taught you the value. He might have become a villain, but one day he was your friend, told you this words and saved your life. And then you taught me. And I'll surely teach whoever comes after me."

A smile graced Hatake Kakashi's lips- so full of calm happiness. Yes, happiness is the word. It was faint, but it was there. He was happy just to _recognize_ the feeling.

"I'm really proud of you, Naruto."

"Damn right you are!" The blonde closed his fist tightly. "After all, I'm your student, aren't I, Kakashi-sensei?"

After that there was silence, and miraculously it was the silver headed jounin who broke it.

"Oi, Naruto…I made too many mistakes in my life and I hope you learn through them. _Sasuke_…don't…"

"It is okay, sensei. I won't let history repeat itself." There, he said it! "It is a promise! I'll bring Sasuke back, but you have to promise me something back."

"Yes?"

"Stay alive. I don't care if you feel guilty. You might think you should die, but don't do that. I lost Ero-sennin. I can't afford to lose you too. And you…need peace. Maybe if you see me bringing Sasuke back, you'll stop with the stupid guilt."

Naruto had such an open heart. He spoke about those things so easily…He made things look so _easy_.

"I…"

"Promise me, Kakashi-sensei! You have to want to live! If you are so riddled with guilt what kept you alive the whole time?"

_Ouch. I shouldn't have asked that…_

"At first, my father…I didn't want to die like him. And then…Obito…I wanted to be his eyes…Even though the Sharingan has always been punishment to me…"

"You see? You lived through all the guilt, Kakashi-sensei. You know what? I think you are the strongest person I know."

_That's ironic coming from the strongest person that __I__ know,_ thought the leader of team seven.

"Use that strength, but not in penitence. You have to love life because of life! You have to love yourself because you are you!" Naruto scratched his blond locks. "Sorry, when I get carried away, you know I say the most stupid things, but they are not lies. You really should treasure yourself. One day we are all going to die, but I won't die with regrets, and neither will you."

"You say as if that is a fact."

"It _is_ a fact!" The blonde insisted. "You will live not by guilt, but hope. You'll promise me that you'll live to see Sasuke returning as our friend. And I promise you I'll fulfill my promise!"

"Naruto, you are crazy."

"I know. I had good teachers."

_What should I do, Obito? I don't want to fail another one. Not __this__ one…I'm afraid… I should…_

**Live**.

"It's a promise."

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Hi, Naruto fans!

So, I really think that since Jiraya died, Naruto and Kakashi became closer. And after reading the last chapters of the manga, I couldn't stop thinking about poor Kakashi-sensei. He is by far one of the characters who suffered the most in the whole manga. He is just after Itachi in that category. When he kept saying he was trash it just confirmed my thoughts. Kakashi hates himself and I think he might compare his self with his father a lot. I always thought that behind the lazy façade there was a seriously troubled person who punished himself every day. Visiting Obito's grave was punishment, using the Sharingan was punishment. Every single aspect of his life revolved around the ones he failed. And he simply lived with all that guilt without complaining or becoming a vilain. I feel Kakashi doesn't know what peace is anymore. And that's reason enough to write about him and Naruto. The manga is showing that Naruto is the one raising his spirits and I really like it.

I decided to write the aftermath of the war. After the adrenaline faded away and the numbness showed up. I think after this war Kakashi will feel awful. I hope Kishi writes about that. I hope he writes about Naruto, or Gai, cheering the sensei up.

My biggest fear here was the OOC. Usually Naruto is more bright and Kakashi more easy-going, but the whole situation is different. I tried to fit their personalities in the plot and link the relationship of Kakashi and Obito with Sasuke and Naruto. I just hope it is okay.^^

Well, that is all. I'll be waiting for the reviews, guys. I need to know how good/bad the fic is.

**Moon**


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